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    « Meet My "Other Daughter" | Main | A Conversation With My Dog »

    August 03, 2007



    I hate grocery shopping and I'm the one who does most--er--ALL of it, but I imagine I'd enjoy it a hell of a lot more if I ran into you while doing it. What a blast that would be! I heart you for writing this.


    Funny! I just blogged about going to the supermarket, too. My favorite pet peeve is the one about people who park their carts in mid-aisle, especially in tandem with a friend they run into, and then, having created a truly insurmountable road block, they settle down for a nice chat. That happened to me just the other day, and after patiently waiting for someone to move, this little exchange ensued:

    ME: "Could we keep the traffic moving, ladies? Because as far as I know, we have one lane in each direction here, and neither one is moving."

    ASSHAT: "What's YOUR problem?"

    ME: My problem is... that I came here to do some shopping, NOT to listen to YOUR problems.

    I'm mean like that. But it gets it out of my system. And, it also gets the carts moving. I find it really ironic how many people do that, and yet, if they brush past you quickly, within an inch of your cart, the say, "Oh, excuse me." Go figure!

    Julio Cesar

    I do groceries by myself sometimes, my wife and I usually do them together, and when I buy something to her, like a pair of stockings or tampons, I always have the "look" from people who notice these items in my shopping cart.

    What's wrong with you people?

    The "tampons with wings" comment almost sends my coffee all over my desk...


    The winged-tampon phenomenon confirms what I've long suspected: angels have periods, too. Or maybe, when having periods, women are simply more like angels. I don't know, but it sounds like before you go grocery shopping next time, you better take your Midol. ;)


    Welp, I'm still looking for the energetic woman who was parked in the handicapped parking space at the Walmart a few months ago. If I see her again, I'm going to take her picture and blast it all over the internet.
    Ok, maybe I won't, but I'm tempted to do so.
    This so-called "handicapped" woman loaded four cases of bottled water into her trunk and then ran around to the side of her car so that she could put more bags of groceries in the back seat.


    the 21 items in the 8 item or less lane is my personal fave---I just scowl at the offender...I scowl even more when they say "oh sorry, this should not take too long"

    bite me


    "To the woman of considerable girth with the three loud and chunky children begging her for Sugar Pops and Frosted Flakes..."

    I'll have you know I'm BIG-BONED, and my children are not LOUD... they're ANGELS.


    AND... they LIKE the cheese food in a can! It's the only way I can get them to eat their vegetables!


    LAUGH OUT LOUD at Circus Kelli!!!


    To the self righteously funny man at the grocery store: lighten up! Err, that sounds wrong somehow.

    ok, that was a joke. (95% joke)

    But the line about tampons honestly did make me laugh outloud.


    I have to say that I am a nightmare at the supermarket. If you're going to stand in the aisle and chat (blocking the aisle, of course) or wander around aimlessly whilst dithering or if you stop suddenly, you're liable to become much better acquainted with the business end of my shopping trolley! I do get trolley rage...

    Bucky Four-Eyes

    I have this fantasy about people who block the aisles at the grocery store...I won't go into detail, but it DOES involve a flame thrower.

    And forget the winged tampons; what disturbs me are the absorbent pads with dry weave. Last time I had the dry weaves, I swore off drinking for months.


    Bucky, you get the flame thrower and we'll go shopping together. People blocking lanes is the worst! Doesn't matter whether they're wandering aimlessly down the middle, or leaving it to the left while their girth takes up the whole right side, or they meet friends and block the whole damned thing. It pisses me off.

    The too-many-items-in-the-express-lane is a close second, though.


    oh nils. i am SO stealing your first one, and making some postcard-sized notes. due to some health issues, i have a handicap parking place in front of my apartment. other tenants like to *just park for a few minutes* to do whatever it is they need to run in and do OR they like to ignore the sign altogether. i havent ever come up with anything more clever than "this is RUDE. dont do it again." but i like your style!!!

    i'm sorry you are not touring anymore, cuz i could almost hear you doing this in front of an audience...

    thanks for the smiles tonight!


    You really have to be patient with those people at the market. The ones who slog down the aisles on the wrong side; those who wander and stop in the center to read the last installment of Oliver Twist on the side of a marhsmallow fluff jar. This is not rude behavior or poor upbringing. It is the result of a carefully planned lighting system. A high frequency radiation array known as The Grocery Store Lights. Designed to illuminate all items with equal wattage, its real purpose is to dull the intellect of the average shopper causing him to lose track of time and direction. The result: dawdling, mumbling, humming, and a slow but increasing capacity to fill his cart with almost everything except what he came into buy.

    Beware The Grocery Store Lights. Shop quickly and for as few items as possible. Wear polarizing sunglasses when you can. And, by all means avoid the express checkout. The store is aware that most of its customers are sedated. Its placement is merely a cruel ruse. Purchase your items at the service desk and be gone...lest you be the next victim.

    Jim Fogg


    Grocery store rage. Perhaps it's time to start the All-Bran challenge.

    scarlett wanna be

    Mister, a girl like me could get real serious about a guy like you...all I'm sayin'.


    "With wings or something" made me spit my coffee.

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