... Then We Will Know the Terrorists Will Have Won.

One of my very favourite bloggers, Amanda B., has packed it in. 

Her blog had become more and more popular over the past year or two, and with that came the inevitable trolls and assholes who write hateful, vicious, hurtful comments and e-mails.  Finally, a line was crossed and she decided that the personal attacks and vitriol weren't balanced off by the pleasure that she got from writing to a large and mostly very supportive readership, and she signed off for good.

It pisses me off.  I hate when the bad guys win.

I know I'm lucky - kinda.  Not many people read this blog, and far fewer de-lurk to comment on it, and rarely is anyone anything other than sweet, funny, and smart.   This isn't a "popular" blog, outside the few friends who drop by.

There are a lot of blogs out there, many of them very popular, but if you ask me, not all the high-traffic blogs deserve their popularity.  I read blogs where the writer says something like, "Today I burped.  It felt really awesome.  Do you like to burp?" and they get 130 comments about belching, all of them telling the blogger that his or her belches sound like a symphony and probably smell like roses and that this was the funniest burping story they've ever read, ever, and they declare they spit coke all over the screen when they read the thing about the burping. 

If the proportions on my blog stats hold for the internet, that means thousands of people stop by that blog every day to see the latest banal, borrowed wisdom belched out by an indifferent writer in ungrammatical prose punctuated poorly and rife with grotesque misspellings and bizarre malapropisms.  Thousands.  Every day. 

I used to get bitter about that, want to throw up my hands and say "How does this idiot get hundreds or thousands of visitors every day when some of the brilliant - truly brilliant - blogs to be found on the left hand column of this page seem to be read by me and the same people who drop by my place, and that's about it?"  A quality readership,to be sure, but not the huge numbers, and it doesn't make a lick of sense to me.

But some A-list blogs - say, Amanda's or Dooce - really do deserve high traffic.  But with high traffic comes the trolls and assholes.  So it's a mixed blessing.

I've seen it before - we all have: commenters who have nothing in mind but sneering and denigrating their betters have hurt our friends and fellow bloggers.  And so very many times the reaction from the blogger who is injured can be paraphrased: "Someone I know said something really cruel to me." or "Someone is sending me repeatedly, deliberately cruel criticisms" ... and it's followed by " ... so I really think I'll stop now."  They never reveal the who or the what, just vague talk about hurt and viciousness by unknown assailants.

It infuriates me, absolutely makes me livid.  Because i hate when the assholes and haters prevail not because we don't have the wherewithal to fight them but because - in the name of class or good breeding or not sinking to their level - we simply surrender.

I don't mean this to sound like a criticism of Amanda's choice to stop blogging.  She takes that decision for her own reasons, and I know her to be a strong, sensitive, smart and funny human being and all I want is for my friends to be happy and if this makes her happy, so be it.

  And I get that she doesn't want to leap into a pissing match with a skunk, doesn't want to have her life or her blog devolve into a place where the negative feelings outweigh the positive.  I get that she had a place that she loved, and that some vandals came in and made a mess and walked off and now it doesn't feel right for her any more.

But I don't get why those of us who also loved the place have it yanked away from us and have nowhere to release our anger and disgust.

When Dooce had a particularly cruel, particularly vicious email, she did something I really admired.  She put the offending e-mail up on her blog, complete with the moron's address, did a bit of research to find out who the person was behind it - and the adoring internets banded together to carve one poor idiot named Matt Jackson a whole new asshole - or a whole new Matt, same thing.

Now that?  THAT is satisfying. 

We've all seen them:  people who can't create, so they fill the gaping maw in their soul by trying to tear down what others create.  They can't approach the goodness and kindness of other people, so the compensate by ripping at the flesh of their betters.  They can't add anything to life, so they focus on sucking life away from others.

They're terrorists of a different kind - intellectual, emotional, spiritual terrorists.  And it makes me sad to see they won another round, when so many of us would have stood behind Amanda and - using every ounce of our creativity and ingenuity - made life exceedingly miserable for someone who launched an undeserved, unprovoked attack on our friend.  And that's not being negative or poisonous - protecting our friends and family makes us better people, in my book.

I'll miss Amanda's blog for its expression of her wit and charm, her unique observations, her courage and her warm, human spirit.  Something good is gone, and all we can do is look around and wonder who the nameless and faceless terrorists will pick next.

Comments

[sara sue]

How sad! I will miss reading her blog. You're absolutely right, Nils, it's like the bad guys won.

[wordgirl]

Thank you for saying this, Nils. There's not a sign of her blog anywhere...save for that last goodbye letter. You're right, of course. These people often strike out while maintaining the luxury of anonymity. The blogger in question feels obligated to take the high road and just back away. To fight back is to encourage judgement based on the theory that "bloggers can't take criticism and only love the kind of comments that show adoration or total agreement". What Dooce did was, in my opinion, an appropriate way to handle someone like Matt Jackson. He wanted to take a stab at her and he didn't want judgement from others. She risked a lot by opening up the forum to include everyone by flushing his words out into the open and inviting anyone and everyone to either agree with Matt's assertions or...allow him to face a firing squad of her peers.

I'm sorry Amanda's gone, too. In a world of popular bloggers, many of whom cannot or will not acknowledge a comment or e-mail that doesn't come from someone equally lauded, Amanda was an accessible person. And now she's gone.

[Squirl]

There should be a specific level of hell for trolls.

[Bucky Four-Eyes]

I will never understand people's need to piss on somebody else's parade. Same fuckers would kick puppies, too, if they didn't think anyone would see.

Amanda, your blog Zen-ness will be missed by your blog bruthas and sistahs.

[Ortizzle]

As I commented over at The Lair of the Platypus, I never got to know her blog. And I find it so sad that now I never will, considering all the wonderful things people have said about her.

You said it well, Nils. It's a shame that blog terrorists have the power to ruin the best part of the Internet for people who are just minding their own business and commit no sin worse than entertaining and amusing others.

[CircusKelli]

It surely sucks when people gotta be all pissy and shitty and all up in other people's business about how they think they should run their lives.

[whfropera]

I was just talking about this with a group of people yesterday - all about how we don't interact face to face as much anymore, and how it leads to a LOT of miscommunication.
This is one of the downsides of the Internet - anonymous people, or people hiding behind a facade, can piss on the parade, injuring people they have never met, just for the sheer joy of it. One of the reasons why I have a blog that has almost no personal information on it. If you hate on opera, so be it. More for the rest of us.
:)

[Susie]

Well. Tell us how you REALLY feel. I don't know what to say. It's bewildering to me. I didn't read Amanda B. regularly, but I did enjoy her posts very much when I did, and I loved to hear her sing. I read enough to know that she put out GOOD; and it is always bewildering and disconcerting when GOOD somehow provokes evil. It is a sad day indeed, when someone who put goodness out into the world is silenced. I am sure she'll express herself in other ways. She has too much to offer, not to.
And I must say, your whole "I burped today" description of some popular blogs had me laughing out loud. Now, if you'll excuse me, my nose is running and I'm going to go post a little something about that . . .

[platypus]

Hear, hear. I'm gutted too. It's so sad when anyone is made to feel that they can't continue to express themselves in a blog. I only hope that, like Mama Tulip, she decides to come back one day when she's feeling stronger.

[Gorilla Bananas]

I just delete unfunny comments that I don't like. Trolls get frustrated when their comments keep on getting deleted. Not many of them want to mess with a gorilla anyway.

[Laura]

Well that is just plain sad. I can't help wondering why she didn't delete the hateful comments, block the emails and so on? Were the things she was saying really so bad that it brought in more trolls than friends? I didn't read her blog so I'm not exactly sure what was going on. But because she signed off, I'll never know. It's really too bad they got the upper hand.

Your comment about burping had me laughing, but I know that there are some blogs that are set up from chat rooms, and that's possibly why they get so many commenters. 'd rather read a quality written post with 5 comments than a brainless one that has 30 people burping along in unison.

[CircusKelli]

See, now... 30 people burping in unison might be entertaining...

[Bucky Four-Eyes]

All this talk of burping...SOOOOO childish.

Who's with me on the All-Fart Blog Chorus? Right now, we're working on an updated arrangement of "Blowin' in the Wind."

[twisteduterus]

Amen. I miss her blog too. Seriously.

Burp.

[Lowa]

I am just glad I won't lose touch with her. We can still e-mail. I am SO thankful for that. That is the thing. As popular as she is, she still took the time to e-mail and keep in touch and make various comments, etc. Which blew me away, honestly. I e-mailed her to tell her I was so sad that she had to go, and she e-mailed me within an hour. HOW SWEET IS THIS WOMAN!?!?

I have a few faithful readers, like as in about five. None of you guys read my blog. Mainly because it is boring! LOL Nothing about burps or farts, but still, pretty lame. Nils was by a few times about a year ago, which made me feel very honoured. I am not a writer and not very creative, like you all are. My grammar is HORRID and I can't spell correctly sometimes. I yap about my kids, mainly. I don't have time to make my blog how I truly want it, and that is ok. Right now raising my kids is my priority and maybe one day I can be as talented as the people who raise kids and still put out witty, entertaining, thought provoking posts.

See what I mean?? I ramble. ALL THE TIME. I need an editor! I am trying to say that as unknown as I am, I still feel like Amanda truly cares about me and takes time to keep in touch. That blows me away!

Thanks for posting this, Nils. And btw, I am so sorry about your MIL:(

[Nils]

Thanks Lowa. And don't assume that no comment means no visit, ya know?

[Lowa]

It's true. Good point. :)

By the way, with all your puppy goings-on, it finally kicked me into gear and we got ourself one. MAN, is he CUTE! When Amanda got Mokey, I wanted him SO BAD. Our little Brommy is very similar.

Little does he know, he is getting his nards chopped off next week! Poor little guy, I feel like I am betraying him somehow. Just carrying on as usual, playing and kissing and giving him treats when he does his business outside and then BAM! Suddenly no more testicles. I will have to post about that when it happens.

[Nils Ling]

Gosh, Lowa. Almost sounds like he's getting married.

[William]

I always find it fascinating, and with Amanda I believe it was the case, that it was not only trolls that were taunting her but also fellow bloggers. People with blogs of their own that were taking shots at her.

[Marian]

People seem to have a lot of different ideas about what is rude. There are quite a few who don't know the difference between a counter-argument and a personal attack. And many seem to not only disagree, but to also hate you somehow (this seems especially true if they know nothing about you). There also seems to be a broad range of strategies when it comes to comments. Some bloggers delete if you're politely offering another point of view (a pov that happens to differ from their own). Others put up with the most outrageous garbage. If I had a lot of traffic (I don't) and some of it was mean and/or personal, I think I would delete. On the hand, I don't think nasty e-mails count as terrorism (stalking maybe, but not terrorism).

[marybishop]

I leave my nasty comments on my blog. I am not always being sweet and figure I'm going to piss a few people off, so I don't mind when they rage against me and make personal mean attacks. I am not popular so it doesn't happen very often. Sometimes, the meaner the attack the more you know you must have hit someone's hot button.

[torrie]

It's all about jealousy.

[Cranky Chick]

You have to have a thick skin to blog. And I agree with Torrie... the more trolls you have the more important it is to retain the voice that's obviously making others uncomfortable. Evolution is often the consequence of discomfort.