My wife's mother, Vera, passed away late on Monday night.
The truth is, on Monday night the life seeped out of the body that once held Vera. Alzheimer's had all but taken her away long ago. She was past 80, and her health has been in steady decline for several years.
It wasn't unexpected, but it was a shock - as a generation, we understand late night phone calls are coming, but there's no way to be ready for them.
She'd taken a bad turn on Friday, and the late night call came. My wife flew to Winnipeg Saturday, and was able to say goodbye over the weekend. Monday evening, it seemed clear that the time was at hand, and she was able say everything that needs saying. And really - what can you say that matters, other than "I love you?"
The family had held a vigil all through Monday, and by late at night everyone - including my father-in-law - was exhausted. Finally, my wife agreed to take him home. As so often happens, Vera waited until her husband of 60-some-odd years left before slipping quietly away , peacefully, her two other daughters - my wife's sisters - at her bedside.
Last night, when the call came to our house, I set about making the arrangements for the girls and I to join my wife, to say our own goodbyes to their Grandma. Allison will be taking her violin, and she and Erin will play at the funeral service, which I know will make Vera happy.
It's a long way to go, and we've booked some extra time to take advantage of the opportunity to see the rest of the family, including my mom and dad, who weren't strong enough to make it out to Erin's wedding. We'll catch up with friends we've known our whole lives. So it will be a bittersweet trip.
Fortunately, Allie's boyfriend Trevor is able to move in and look after Roxy and the cats and the house. The puppies are also taken care of. Loose ends seem to be tied up, but still today we're all scrambling to pull things together for the trip.
So, here we go. I won't have much chance to be around here till we get back next week. Take care of one another, okay?
I'm sorry Nils. My sympathies to Joyce and her family, it's always hard to say goodbye.
And how wonderful that Allie and Erin will play at her funeral. Doubtless that woulld have made her very proud. :)
Posted by: Laura | January 30, 2007 at 01:33 PM
Heartfelt condolences and huge hugs to your wife and all of you. Just because a loss is not a surprise doesn't make it any less painful. I'll be thinking about all of you.
Posted by: Bucky Four-Eyes | January 30, 2007 at 02:48 PM
I'm sorry Nils. Please extend my condolences to Joyce, Erin and Allie, too.
Travel safely. You will all be in my thoughts.
Posted by: CircusKelli | January 30, 2007 at 02:49 PM
I am so sorry for your's and your family's loss. Many good thoughts and prayers for you.
Posted by: Sandy | January 30, 2007 at 03:55 PM
Much love and huge hugs to all of you, but especially Joyce, at this sad time. Safe journey. x
Posted by: platypus | January 30, 2007 at 04:07 PM
Sorry for your loss, been there done that, not fun but part of the journey. All my best to Joyce, Susan and the rest of the family.
Peace
Jim
Posted by: Jim Fogg | January 30, 2007 at 04:20 PM
I'm so sorry, Nils. Please know that you are ALL in my thoughts and prayers and have a safe trip.
Posted by: Sara Sue | January 30, 2007 at 04:36 PM
It's difficult, n'est ce pas? God speed, to you, your family, and of course, to Vera.
Posted by: eclectic | January 30, 2007 at 05:41 PM
Nils .......
Yes "I love you" is maybe the best.
Hugs from Rob
Posted by: Robert Paterson | January 30, 2007 at 06:12 PM
My sympathy for your loss, and please give the message to your womenfolk.
It's nice that the girls will be able to be part of the service for their grandma. My sister-in-law played a borrowed violin at her dad's service, and friends still mention how beautiful it sounded.
Safe travels, and be well with your family.
~~love and Huggs, Diane
Posted by: MrsDoF | January 30, 2007 at 07:23 PM
sorry about your mother-in-law. it is hard, even when it's expected. take care.
Posted by: Gora_Kagaz | January 30, 2007 at 07:42 PM
I'm sorry for your family's loss, Nils.
Posted by: candace | January 30, 2007 at 08:38 PM
Our thoughts are with you.
Posted by: whfropera | January 30, 2007 at 08:50 PM
Dear Joyce and family - Our sympathy to all on the lost of your mom. Our thoughts are with you.
Carolyn & Scott
Posted by: Carolyn | January 30, 2007 at 09:04 PM
My sincere condolences. It hasn't been that long since my family kept that same vigil at my mother's bedside.
Give your wife a hug from me and tell her it sucks to lose a mother. But our mothers are now in a better place.
Please take time to heal.
Posted by: Squirl | January 30, 2007 at 09:24 PM
I'm holding all of you in my heart.
Posted by: kalki | January 30, 2007 at 09:57 PM
I'm just so sorry. I saw your comment on Kelli's blog and I wondered what else was going on. I was just poised to write to you and ask. Alzheimers is bitch. Bryan's grandmother has it and, at 94, her family has ceased to exist for her. Death almost seems more merciful than a disease that would steal one's mind before the body was ready to go. Your family will be in my thoughts...and Nils? The thought of your beautiful daughters playing those instruments with love and skill brings tears to my eyes when I try to imagine it.
Posted by: wordgirl | January 30, 2007 at 10:36 PM
Thinking of you and your family, Nils. May there be much sweetness in your bittersweet trip.
Posted by: Susie | January 30, 2007 at 10:46 PM
I'm so sorry. I'm sending hope for peace to all of your family. It can be such a mixed feeling, I know, when someone passes away who has been so sick for so long. I hope you and all the family enjoy a wonderful celebration of her life.
Posted by: Ern | January 30, 2007 at 11:55 PM
I am so sorry. Hugs to you all.
Posted by: Von Krankipantzen | January 31, 2007 at 12:53 AM
I am sorry for your loss.
Posted by: William | January 31, 2007 at 09:11 AM
I so sorry for your loss.
My mom wasn't in her body for at least 2 years. Alzheimer's is a vile affliction.
It often happens that a person holds on until loved ones are out of the room before they leave to spare them those rough last minutes. I'm sure Vera wanted to spare the love of her life.
Hugs to all your family.
Posted by: Lyn | January 31, 2007 at 12:02 PM
Please pass on my heartfelt condolences to your lovely wife.
Posted by: Ortizzle | January 31, 2007 at 10:22 PM
So sorry, Nils. Please convey to your wife my deepest sympathy. Losing one's mother is never easy even when we think we're ready for it. Thinking of you all...
Posted by: Cranky | February 02, 2007 at 01:35 AM
My deepest condolences.And i love your attitude.Especially loved the last line in your post.
Posted by: Ps | February 02, 2007 at 01:45 AM
so sorry
as others have posted, Alzheimer is terrible. My Nanny had it and it was kind of , dare i say it, a relief when she died. For 2 or so years she did not recognize us, even though Mom, her daughter, visited every day and I would do the same when I was home for a visit. She seemed to really enjoy the visits when I brought my dogs along.
Keep the good memories alive.
Posted by: twisteduterus | February 02, 2007 at 06:51 PM
Oh, man. My condolences, really. And virtual hugs. Lots of 'em.
Posted by: cat | February 05, 2007 at 02:15 PM
So sorry for your loss, Nils. Hope your wife is doing well. Take care.
Posted by: Katherine | February 06, 2007 at 08:43 PM