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    « Faith | Main | Three Movies »

    June 01, 2006


    Closet Metro

    Sir, I think you must start on ScottyGee's self image plan: Once each day, stand nude in front of a full length mirror, slap yourself on the ass and say "I am a sexy bitch!"


    I had a whole comment ready for you.
    And then I read Closet Metro's opinion.
    And you know what? He's Right.
    Tell Allie to pick up an extra full length mirror for you.
    And buy a paddle for yourself while you're at it. ;)


    It's so good that Closet Metro's comment is first, because he said it quite well.

    In my mind's eye, you are usually in that Wizard outfit from the Harry Potter party.
    But I'm sure you will look fine on your daughter's wedding day.


    Mrs. DoF, that IS a great idea! He could always walk down the aisle wearing that wizard outfit. What a family photo that would make!


    So guys feel this way too, huh?

    I like the wizard idea. It could be one final way to embarrass your daughter before sending her off into married life.


    Personally, CM, I find it always works better when I stand in front of the mirror and someone ELSE spanks my ass and tells me I look sexy. It sounds like Laura is volunteering. Works for me.

    Diane (MrsDoF), the girls have put a lot of thought into their main goal for the wedding day, which is to "make Dad cry as many times as possible". I think I just may go with the Wizard look to exact my own revenge.


    And Ern, see above: you understand completely.

    Jim Fogg

    Congrats on the suit and in record time I may add. Men shop must more efficiently than women. Unfortunately you may only be part way home, next up the selection of a shirt and tie and shoes. I myself would go tie-less......but then again who cares what I would wear. Besides almost all my clothing is black. My thought is everything goes with black including of course black....


    "Well, bite me arse."


    And so, where's the photo? AND - My vote for What To Wear At The Wedding would be the wizard hat but nothing else.

    You could walk her down the aisle, nude, plus wizard hat. This would most likely accomplish embarrasing your daughter AND making you cry... (And maybe some others in the audience?)


    Oh, my efficiency knows no bounds, Jim. I already had the shoes, I found a great price on some nice dress shirts, and found what I think is the perfect tie. So I'm good to go. I just wish I could wear my Crocs with the suit. But my daughter thinks they make my feet look funny.

    And Gerah wins for comment most likely to produce the maximum number of shudders of revulsion ... yikes.

    A picture will be forthcoming. Of me in the suit. As for the pics of me, naked in the wizard hat? Those are for one person and one person only.


    Would you be sporting a magic wand , naked in the wizard hat?


    Please. One does not "sport" with a magic wand. It is a solemn responsibility.

    Jim Fogg

    I'm a Crocs man myself, can't seem to get them off my feet. I've worn them with a suit and my feet did look funny.....Funny or not I will be wearing a pair with a suit to a wedding on reason for living is just happy I've agreed to not go in shorts and a t shirt...

    Bucky Four-Eyes

    Um...just WHERE on your body would you wear the wizard hat, if you were to wear nothing else? On your "magic wand"?

    I can't take a compliment, either. But getting paddled in front of a mirror doesn't sound like a half bad way to spend a lazy afternoon.

    Oh, and salespeople who won't sell you individual pieces of clothing that will actually fit you should be rolled in broken glass and then salted. Just my humble opinion.


    I like the mirror idea. I may have to try that.


    I want a suit picture.


    The inventor of Crocs should be shot. Not only will Dad not be wearing his to the wedding, he and mom are not allowed to wear them off our property (I relaxed the rules a little to allow them to work in the yard; the rule used to be they couldn't wear them outside the house.)


    You people are SO entertaining!

    I know what you mean about looks, Nils. I have always had such a problem with not thinking I was at all nice on the eyes that I never believed when guys asked me out, that they were serious. I was told all my life that I was good looking, but I thought it was just something that people say to everyone. I met my husband on the internet and we sent pictures back and forth, etc etc. Never have believed HIM when he told me anything nice. I do not take compliments well AT ALL. Pretty annoying, to others as well, I am sure.

    I am sure you will look awesome! I can't wait to see the picture. Smart move, taking your daughter by the way. I have a son who is very useful in that area.

    Congrats on losing some weight, by the way!

    Jim Fogg

    Allie Allie young...during the "Golden Years" foot and back comfort takes on far greater importance than style and fashion. Although I think
    they're reasonable cool looking (we can agree to disagree)...just be happy he doesn't wear white socks with them...


    Ummmmm ....


    Oh, and come ON, Shakespeare afficionados. I get NUTTIN' for that last paragraph? Seriously? YOU do better.


    You could always march down the aisle in the wizard hat spilling Shakespeare left and right.
    I'm sure Erin would feel that it lends a little something extra to the ceremony. Personally, I love his dinner quote, which is as follows: "Food, Glorious food! As my stomach enlargens, glorious food!"
    You could change it to "My wand! my glorious wand!
    Again, also not appropriate for weddings, but there's something about this comment string....

    And if she really wants to have some fun with Allie, have her wear Crocs underneath her wedding dress. ;))


    Do I win first peek at the suit pic?

    Kudos to you, for picking not only a love sonnet, but the "marriage" sonnet:

    SONNET 116
    Let me not to the marriage of true minds
    Admit impediments. Love is not love
    Which alters when it alteration finds,
    Or bends with the remover to remove:
    O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
    That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
    It is the star to every wandering bark,
    Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
    Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
    Within his bending sickle's compass come:
    Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
    But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
    If this be error and upon me proved,
    I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

    Analysis here:


    Heeheehee Laura ... "... and as my wand enlargens ..."? Yeah, might not be good for going down the aisle. Perhaps as a toast later ...

    And the Crocs as wedding shoes? I'm sooo on it, just to see the horror on Allie's face.

    And THANK YOU, WTF. An opera maven to the rescue. All you English majors, shame on you.


    I love this post. That Shakespeare sonnet is one of my all-time favorites. I got all squeeee when I saw it in Sense and Sensibility. "Oh Willoughby! Willoughby!!"

    Sorry, where was I? Ah yes, loving this post. I am HORRIBLE at accepting compliments, so I completely understand feeling miserable when people say "ooooh you look great!" I always feel like they're pitying me. But I still love them for saying it. Is that weird? Ah well.


    Jim: He does.

    Dad: Good luck. The only person who hates 'em more than me is Matthew, and while she does go out of her way to bug him, even she wouldn't risk him going, "Uh, you know what? Not so much with the 'I do'."


    Good work on the switcheroo. Those things should be separates anyway!

    I think almost everyone (ie 99%) of people can't take a compliment to save their life. Why is it that we're all super critical of ourselves, or just can't accept someone's opinion?

    Weird, huh?

    Jim Fogg

    Ditch the white socks

    Black socks are a must for such a formal occassion


    Clearly I need to use that special self-edit button. That should read "... everyone (ie 99% of people) can't..."

    I'm pretty sure everyone could have figured that one out anyway.

    Congrats on the wedding Allie. I myself will be walking the walk in early Sept.


    To clarify, it is my older daughter Erin getting married, not Allison. Allie is just the bitch in charge.

    Jim Fogg



    It's actually a compliment- I take pride in being the bitch in charge!


    I don't see a suit picture yet. Are you ditching the white socks?


    Patience, patience. No suit will be shown until it is tailored to show me in the best possible light. Plus which, I need to find a new clip-on tie.

    Jim Fogg

    I moved into a house recently, no biggie except I bought my only house to date when I was 18 and waited until 52 to do it again. I digress. I had kept every tie that I have ever owned, clip ons, bow ties that one tied, skinny ties, wide ties, plaid ties, knit ties.....all in all 73. Some classics.. sent then to a charity. Too bad I'm sure I could have something suitable for the occasion and of course any selection would have gone with your Crocs


    As I recall there was some sort of internet contest - "Guess how many ties Jim has hoarded over the years" or some such thing. First prize was a tie. Second prize, presumably: two ties.

    Jim Fogg

    Correct, in fact I haven't shipped them yet. So there's still a chance. How about the trout one?


    Sounds perfect for the wedding. Although people would accuse me of ... er ... soliciting compliments.


    My son's girlfriend says I should watch a video of THE WEDDING PLANNER since I am up to my elbows in wedding invitations this summer (5 and counting).
    This is the girl who bought a bag of neckties at the Thrift Store and sewed them into a cute skirt. She won't let me take a picture of her wearing it, but I think the one with The Cat in the Hat is on the right side.
    Not a one has a trout. Jim should share his wealth.


    I will wait for the picture. There's nothing like having the perfect clip-on tie to top off the outfit.


    Loving you for hating Crocs, Allie. Loving you for the Shakespeare wit, Nils.

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