Today, I was over at my daughter's new house helping out with the settling in process. Part of that is - of course - changing things that are not quite to your taste. So, for example, if you are staring at an ornate fake crystal chandelier, and aren't expecting Liberace to drop by, you might want to replace it with something a little more subdued. And for that, you might call Dad, if Dad is the kind of guy who has, over the years, learned how to do stuff like replace electrical fixtures.
I actually don't mind doing stuff like that. I know my way around circuits and such, but I am - let's be honest - a bit lazy. So, I went down into her basement and opened the circuit box and saw that none of the circuits had been labelled (how hard is that to do? For Chrisssake, it takes like one second with a Sharpie. Jaysus).
Well, my options were 1) spend a half hour flicking circuits over and having a person upstairs yell "Nope, that was the hall! Nope, that was the back bedroom!".; or 2) Go back upstairs and just be really careful when I replaced the fixture.
I chose 2.
I was on a ladder, wrapping the lead from the new fixture around the hot wires, when my older daughter said "Did you shut the power off?"
I mumbled something about the switch being off, of course, what am I, crazy? (Which is totally NOT the same thing. The switch can be off, but you touch two hot leads, you'll end up on your ass across the room going "Whoa ... anybody else smell burnt toast?")
My younger daughter immediately sniffed out my ruse. She said to her Mom, "Could you get your cell phone out?"
"OK, what do you need?"
"I need you to dial 9 and 1, and we'll just wait for Dad to come off the ladder at 100 MPH before you punch the other 1."
"Fine, Christ, I'll go figure out the damn circuit breakers."
boy, this sounds familiar...
Posted by: Laura | May 28, 2006 at 01:57 PM
I'm sure you would have survived. I've seen that very thing happen to my husband, and he's still pretty much normal.
Posted by: Ern | May 28, 2006 at 02:47 PM
Women can be so annoyingly safety-conscious sometimes. I know I am.
Posted by: Squirl | May 28, 2006 at 08:59 PM
Mr. Half just usually tells me to stand by with a big 2x4 so that I can knock him off of the ladder in case he...um...can't break the circuit by flying across the room on his own.
Posted by: wordgirl | May 29, 2006 at 12:17 AM
My concern was not unwarranted. I mean, we're talking about the guy who can't remember to duck his damn head when he goes down into the cellar and as a result winds up with a giant gash on his melon EVERY SINGLE TIME he goes down there (even AFTER we bought him a hard hat!).
Posted by: Allie | May 29, 2006 at 01:06 AM
Ha! Funny story.
http://pioneerwoman.blogspot.com
Posted by: Pioneer Woman | May 29, 2006 at 02:26 PM
Weird. Sometimes it acts like I don't have a typepad account, and sometimes it does. I would comment more, but I don't have time to wait around for the moods of my silly computer!
Anyway, this had me on the edge of my seat. I was so scared that you would were going to get fried.
Is this an ADD thing?? I do the same types of things. WAY too lazy sometimes.
Posted by: laura | May 30, 2006 at 02:14 AM
Laura: Oh? Do tell.
Ern: Yeah, I'd have bounced back up. But it's nice to give the job an aura of danger - you get extra credit for it, as opposed to other handiman jobs like putting on new doorknobs. Nobody's impressed if you put on a doorknob. But flirt with death by electrocution, and you get the attention.
Squirl: there is a reason why women, on average, outlive men. Not frigging around with electricity might enter into it. You seldom read about a woman getting drunk, climbing a power pole, and shouting down to her friends "Hey, wanna see something cool?"
Wordgirl: I am unlikely to arm any of the women in the house with 2 x 4s and invite them to view me as a pinata. The words "Well, I wasn't sure, so I decided to take a chance" spring to mind.
Allie: If you are bored, there is firewood to be stacked. These people aren't interested in your views on my work habits.
PW: Thanks for dropping by - come back again!
laura: Not sure if it's an ADD thing. I do lack the patience it would have taken to properly identify the circuit ... but normally I'm more safety conscious.
Posted by: Nils | May 30, 2006 at 10:08 AM
At least she didn't lick her lips and rub her palms together instead...
Posted by: Gerah | May 30, 2006 at 04:08 PM
Bwahahaha.
That is SUCH a man thing to do. Sugar Daddy would do the same thing...risk life and limb to potentially save a few minutes of work.
Or risk life and limb.
Smart girl to have the phone pre-dialed...
Posted by: The Kept Woman | May 31, 2006 at 09:00 AM
Scary moment to have, is if your cell phone is set to vibrate and clipped to your hip and someone calls while you are handling wires. It scared me.
Posted by: William | May 31, 2006 at 03:16 PM
You shouldn't generalize, Nilbo...
I've gotten drunk and climbed a few poles in my day.
What?
Posted by: Bucky Four-Eyes | June 01, 2006 at 06:04 PM
I totally want to join your family. I mean, you bought him a HARD HAT? Rock.
Posted by: kalki | June 08, 2006 at 09:21 PM