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    « And Then My Head Exploded | Main | A Gentle, Good-Natured, and Hopefully Persuasive Note To Some Of My Favourite Bloggers »

    April 21, 2006



    daym!! who stepped on your nuts today??? ;)

    I'm going to print this up and hand it to the hari krishna's to distribute at the airport.
    It should also go into that travel book you're going to write...after we edit out all the swearing. (g)

    I'd like to add one thing to the list, if you don't mind... BRUSH YOUR TEETH, PEOPLE! Preferably before boarding. Or use breath sprays... please, please.

    And the deodorant,USE it. I sat next to a mal'odorous skunk the whole way to Vegas. I'm telling you, she STUNK. I had to turn my entire head into the aisle to get a breath of ... well, cleaner air.
    Happy Trails.


    Oh thank god you posted! MY head was about to explode!

    Okay, gonna read the new (NEW!) post now.


    Damn, that was so satisfying I totally need a cigarette now.

    Also, I couldn't agree more. While reading I was all, "Yes! Yes, Nils! That is IT! So right! You totally nailed it! (Yeah okay, I might also need a shower now.)


    So how do you feel about the brightly colored velour Juicy (and Juicy knock-off) sweatsuits, the ones with the little zip up hoodies?

    Also, this is why my suitcase is NAVY. You'd be surprised what a big difference this makes.


    Ern: I think sweatsuits are perfectly appropriate, worn in venues where sweat is produced. I think warm-up suits are just the thing for warming up for an athletic event. And I believe that sports jerseys are best worn by athletes on the field of play. If you do not plan on having a game, riding a bicycle, assuming the downward dog position, or lifting weights during the course of our flight, please dress like a PERSON TAKING A FLIGHT and not someone who got lost on the way to the gym.

    Kalki: It's so important for me that you get satisfied. I'm a generous blogger that way.

    Laura: Again, your obsession with my nuts is flattering. And you have inspired me to update ...


    I feel your pain. PMS is a BITCH.


    Great post, Nils. About the only thing you forgot was the "jocks" who drink constantly for 24-7 at the all inclusive resort for the entire week of their holiday and then get on the plane and share their "beer farts" with all and sudry. For whatever reason, they totally amuse themselves for the duration of the 5.5 hour long flight, while the rest of the passengers hold kleenex over their nose and mouth as if to somehow filter the air. Pricks.

    Mad Maggot

    Oh God, you had me rolling on the floor just now - I had to take two flights myself last week and it was absolutely like you wrote it. Gosh, it's hilarious, thanks for posting this (but it was a sheer nightmare when I was there, it's fun only when you read it). Some people really have no manners and also not a slightest idea how to behave (at the airport, on board or wherever else).


    I feel so much better now.

    When I had to fly with my 4yo last Fall my dear husband had the nerve to laugh at me for personalizing my luggage. I was SO glad I did, too. Apparently red is the new black and everyone on my planes in Phoenix, Orange County, Salt Lake City, Denver, and Austin had red luggage too. No one else, however, had been worried about this being a problem and gone to the craft store to buy a hokey compass stencil and use it to paint black compass roses in a prominent place on their red luggage. So there. It only took me 5 minutes to convince the woman in SLC of that... Despite the fact that it matched, exactly, the purple compass on my daughter's already claimed pink suitcase!

    That said...Who else favors an airline policy that offers a children's section? Yes, I was on a plane. Yes, I had a 4yo who had never flown before with me. Yes, she was actually, for a 4yo, remarkably well-behaved (trust me, I paid for it later at the hotel!). She was incidentally, also nicely dressed, potty-trained, and didn't smell. So DO NOT sit next to me and mutter under your breath about those "g*ddamn kids on friggin' airplanes" for four hours of flight time.

    LOVE the post...and I'll try to dress better next time I fly, just for you :-)


    You really know your stuff about rude travelers. The one that really hit home for me, though, is the one about people eating spicy food.

    When I was on a crowded train in Germany (in the middle of the night and I was hoping to get a little sleep) there was a woman who stunk of some kind of spice. She sat across from me but, in that little compartment, it didn't help. I started to relax when she left for a bit. But, darn it, she showed back up again. Don't remember how many hours we were in that compartment but they seemed interminable.


    Haha--I've only been on a plane 3 times in my life and I was so worried that I would be one of those people that others complain about...I made sure to smell nice and clean and dress appropriately--y'know following my Mom & Grandma's advice "Always wear clean underwear Dear, you never know if you'll have to go to a hospital"

    If you do have to fly frequently, I can see how it may lose some of its excitement however.

    In the big TO, eh? Fun? Still there/here?

    Amanda B.

    Tell it brother.


    Testify, my brother! I hate to any and/or all of these issues can turn my flight into a nightmare STAT!


    I sense the slightest little hint of sarcasm...


    Wow. SOMEBODY'S in a bad mood!
    You're starting to sound like me.


    L'enfer c'est les autres.





    I may not be a frequent flyer, exactly - but I have joined the Brotherhood of the Aisle Seat. And the personal funk thing... let's all just say, "Ewwww!"



    I travel at least 5 times a year...not short flights either. On the late night flights, I pee before getting on a snag a window seat so I can sleep all night long, thanks to the invention of sleeping pills. There is however, nothing worse than crap seat mates who smell or talk all night long.

    I think a children's section would not be a bad idea. My last flight from Brisbane to Hong Kong was pure HELL due to 4 young girls whose mother decided to get plastered and pass out and let her children run wild like the plane was their own personal playground.

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