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    « While You're Waiting ... | Main | A Distinguished Gentleman »

    January 13, 2006


    Craig Willson

    Being one of the many and dreaded 'non-clever' readers here, I am at a loss. However, I suspect this product was fit well into the developing "Testi-Fresh" product that has been on the drawing board for some time.

    Our creative director, Paterson, identified the possibility of a freshness crisis in the world, and noticed the gender bias which exists in the current product offerings.

    Unfortunately, our marketing director, Moihra, returned to New Zealand before product launch.

    Crack cream may be just the catalyst to rekindle our enthusiasm.


    Honest to God, my first thought was "wait until Bucky Four Eyes sees this"


    Deneen ... I think that was everybody's first thought.

    And Craig ... you can't say you're not clever, then make a clever post. We'll have to start calling you Fauxhumblebub.

    Jim Fogg

    Tired of seeing butt cracks
    caused by the thong phenom?

    Do you look away when the plumber checks out your drain?

    Crackaway may be your

    Edible and organic......

    Designed and formulated by twin brothers Dustin MacCrackin and Phil MacCrackin

    ....bending over will never be the same!

    Note: No beavers or plumber were harmed during testing of this product.......


    Actually, I think the target demographic for this product is the gay man.


    They actually advertise that product on talk radio here. I'll have to pay closer attention to what they say. I do give a little *snork* when I hear the name, but the rest of the ad is all about "dry, cracked skin," blah blah, they're not a bit funny. Kinda like me, here today ;)

    Bucky Four-Eyes

    Oh,'s so hard to know which crack to run to first...

    And here I'm REALLY supposed to be working...


    If I use it in my favorite crack, I could become a born-again virgin.

    If I use it in my second-favorite crack, it would prevent those embarassing poop-my-pants incidents, but couldn't it also cause explosion?

    But it says "butter" on it. It HAS to go on my ass if it says "butter" on it.

    I'll come back after I've chosen my crack.


    It HAS to go on my ass if it says "butter" on it.

    And there you have it. That's why we pay her the big bucks.


    Ah, yes ... I love it when she applies fundamental logic to solve a burning problem. Not that her ass is burning.


    ... although we're talking about her. Oh, wait, that's "her ears".

    Bucky Four-Eyes

    My ears don't burn when people discuss me.

    It just makes my pucker twitch.


    Cracked heels? Cracked heels? Ass crack? Is it liquid crack that you massage directly into your temples?

    See down here, when someone buys you a tube of Boudreaus Butt Paste, you don't have to waste valuable time wondering where it goes.


    I'm with Torrie; why do you assume that this product is marketed to women?'s work? You know better than that! Is it because we have not only our ass cracks, but also a front crack? Maybe it is to prevent chub rub between our chesticles? I wouldn't know about that. Maybe we'll have to ask Spoonie if she gets chestie chub rub.


    I wanted to be clever, but I actually knew what this was for as soon as I saw the pic.

    Comes from hanging out with lots fo baby mommys and the semi-annual diaper rash discussions.


    So many gags, so little time.


    Ok, anything that mentions "crack" is not going to be good for your health... could be fun though.

    Shrinking Violet

    Bummer! I know what it is for! Interestingly enough, superglue works better.


    Got a crack attach?

    Heed the need.

    No longer do you have to meander through used condoms and spent needles to get your dose from back alley dealer.

    Crack is now available in the health and beauty section of your nearest drugstore.

    'Waiting in line at the unemployment office? 'Busy lurking at your local playground? In this NEW convenient form, you can get your hit anytime, anywhere.

    And the easy-to-use formula is great for sharing. Or not. But NOW, the choice is yours.

    Just apply and get your high.

    Caution: may cause runny discharge and swelling of the feet.

    Montana Anna

    Tired of running from the fuzz when you want your buzz?
    Try "Crack Creme," the discreet, skin-softening creme form that you don't have to smoke. Comes in a powder-blue tin that easily fits in your purse or pocket--no more unflattering pipe bulges! Rub gently into your skin every 20 seconds for intense reaction. No more black fingers, burnt lips, or congested lungs--just buttery soft, crack-soaked skin! (Not available in heroin.)
    Whitney Houston says, "Hell to the Yes! I love me some Crack Creme!"

    Amanda B.

    I can't do it. Here is my golden moment, and I'm blank. I have failed. Faaaaailed!


    I'm sorry, but does nobody have a problem with it being Crack CREME? As if using a French word somehow makes it classier?

    Only hookers and porn stars use Crack CREAM. Ugh. Vulgar.

    Crack CREME. Now there's a product I can get behind.


    I just have to let y'all know, I was at Shopper's Drug Mart last night and I nearly bought some Crack Creme for my dry cracked heels...when I saw it I laughed too hard though and had to leave the aisle just recalling this post! Thanks Nils & Allison


    Okay, I came here last Friday and read this post and felt completely uncreative and so decided to come back another day. Because only the best for Nilbo, you know? But damn if Friday the 13th wasn't the beginning of a major creativity RUT. Which I'm still in. So instead of something witty and wonderful, I can only give you this:

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