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    « Dear Internet: I'm Good, Thanks. | Main | Legal Everywhere! »

    August 31, 2005


    Bucky Four-Eyes

    Truman Capote...

    Now see, I'll sit here and make fun of the baby vaulters with you, but I totally lose any trace of sense and/or dignity I might've possessed if I see a dog or cat I think it adorable (which is a lot of 'em).
    They actually had to move the daycare where I work out of the main building to prevent the inevitable work stoppages when the kids paraded around during the workday. It was just fuckin' nuts.

    suburban misfit

    Oh yeah, I'm with Bucky.

    If there's a puppy or a kitten, forget it; I'm MUSH.

    Not so much with the babies. Mine were adorable, everyone else's, well...let's just say that the trip through the birth canal doesn't do a body good.


    Our oldest son was a baby when we lived in married student housing. The post office was a walk clear across campus.
    When I, the mom, was in charge of the little tyke, dirty looks from bystanders were the order of the day. How dare a crying babe disrupt their studying on the green?
    When the dad had baby in tow, pretty co-eds dropped to their knees in front of them to admire our little bundle of joy.
    It was often observed that the best way to get girls was if he could just Borrow a baby. Never admit it was his own, and there was a wife waiting back at the apartment.


    Oh boy. I thought my oldest looked like an gremlin, after they turned not cute. But that was only for the first week or so, then he got cute.
    My baby, I felt so guilty I didnt think he was 'so cute'. He wasent. He was a scrunched up old man lookin' baby.
    Thank goodness they grew out of it, and now they are just plain hansome.
    Very rarely do I see a cute baby.


    Ever since our son was small, I have made it my golden rule not to touch and gush over other people's children.
    From the time he had hair until long after he went to school, total strangers were fascinated with his blonde hair. It was so blonde it was almost white. Having come from a family of blonde babies, I never thought this to be an oddity. Apparently it was. I tried not to mind the looks or comments, but the touching and ruffling his hair and pinching his chubby cheeks really pissed me off. How dare a total stranger touch my child? And with Nils, I concur...never a man touched my child or commented on his hair.
    Now a grown man of 30, still blonde, although it is a darker blonde, he tells me he is thankful for his "babe magnet". Apparently, females still are in awe of fair haired babe's.


    All my girls were beautiful babies-and that is not just the mother talking. People had no problem saying things to me like "she is so beautiful-and so petite!" in a way that conveyed the meaning that there is no way that my husband and I could have produced this child. Apparently, we are ugly trolls and we have violated some law of nature by having perfectly beautiful children.....


    Not there is anything wrong with being a troll or ugly or an ugly troll.


    Yeah, I sometimes wonder how I could have ended up with daughters who are, by any empirical standard, beautiful. Hey ... wait a minute ....

    Bucky Four-Eyes

    Took you this long to figure it out, Nilbo?


    Mr. Magoo and Winston Churchill also come to mind when looking at an average zero-year-old.

    If I think my son has a large head even though he's supposed to be perfect in MY EYES, how giganormous is it to STRANGERS!?


    I am so related to Bucky. A baby is brought into the office, no big deal. Just bring in a dog or cat and I'm there in a heartbeat. And babies are almost always ugly at first. Some of them do get better-looking, thank goodness.


    I have to say, I try not to obstruct traffic when I do, but I always like to look and coo and goo over the beautiful babies, oh yes I do--in the hopes that I may be able to hold such a beautiful bundle of joy and eventually have one of my own....I seem to be drawn towards babies and I have to say, it's not only women who do this, just most often women....


    I only 'ooh and awe' when I'm kissing up. You know, to keep me on my bosses good side. Ya know?

    Oh yeah. Also with kids I know. There are some damn handsome kids out there!

    Bucky Four-Eyes

    I think the best description I've ever heard for a newborn human baby is "canned ham."


    I've always gone with "unwashed fruit".


    My first baby looked like in, Bert and Ernie. Cone head, tuft of hair at the top -- 'cept the hair was red/blonde, not black like Bert's. And while I'll compliment a good parent on how well-behaved a child is, I can't fathom stopping short to see and/or fawn over an infant.

    Von Krankipantzen

    Don't knock the Cute Factor as I truly believe this is the simple reason why women generally don't throw their kids out with the trash. How else would a reasonable human being tolerate something that craps its pants for three years. Not to mention causes chronic sleep deprivation and whines continuously. If women didn't think babies were cute the human race would come to a screeching halt.


    Good stuff. I needed a chuckle, and I got one here. I thank you.

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