Alright, Already ...

There are times when I hate my blog.

See, here's the thing, and I'm not looking for sympathy here: I write for a living.

It's pretty much what I do.  I mean, I go out on tour and perform what I've written, and for that I get paid, but really ... there are lots better performers around.  I think I'm reasonably engaging in an "aw shucks" kind of neighbour-next-door way, and that's always been enough to carry the shows.  But there are times - lots of times - when I figure my words would be better off in the hands (mouth?) of someone with a strong theatrical background and a dynamic stage presence.  I have neither.

So, really, my shows are all about the words.  And they've done well both in North America and in the U.K., so I have to believe I'm fairly adept at the whole wordsmithing thing, except that I'm not so sure "wordsmithing" is even a word, any more than "parenting" is, and don't even get me started on that.

But for good or ill, talented or hack, I write for a living.

So, let's say you - I don't know - re-upholster furniture for a living.  You go in and spend the day putting new fabric on worn ottomans  (ottomen?).  And at the end of the day, you come home, and have a nice drink before dinner, and then a lovely meal, and afterwards you go into your shop and there are notes from a bunch of your friends who enjoy re-upholstering furniture in their spare time and like what you do with sofas and fainting couches and urge you to get at it, come on, tack some chintz to a loveseat, wouldja?  And it's flattering, because these are all talented people, and they're urging you to do what you like to believe you do best.

It's kinda like that, in a way.  But then again, it's not.

Because I do love to write - it's a passion for me. 

I'm like anybody else, in that I never know if what I've written is good or indifferent or brilliant or funny or trite and hackneyed and not worth the electricity it takes to generate the pixels it forms into on your screen. 

But I keep doing it, not because I have to, but because I can't imagine not doing it.  I feel like I would suffocate if I stopped writing, like those sharks who have to keep moving or they'll literally drown.

So every day I write.  And I can't say I love it any more than I love breathing or having my heart beat.  It's just something I do to live, and if I didn't get paid for it I'd still do it, but let's keep that to ourselves, shall we?

Which is why I sometimes hate my blog, because to sign on to the Typepad site is to commit to putting something up on the screen.  And while I seldom suffer from writer's block - although some people could be excused for wishing I did - there are times (lately) when I've called up the template, stared at it for friggin ever a few minutes, then quietly closed it down and said to myself, "I just don't have anything worth saying or that I can say well enough to measure up to what I expect of myself.".

Which doesn't always stop me, but lately it has.

So, to those people who keep after me to post, thank you.  Were it not for you, I probably would close this baby down.  I'll try to do better, starting Tuesday morning.

In the meantime, there's an ottoman I need to refinish ...

Comments

[MrsDoF]

Thanks for taking a busman's holiday.

[Bucky Four-Eyes]

Awwwwww, didn't mean to pressure you, Writing Dude.

You should, however, be careful when using the term "Wordsmith":

http://tinyurl.com/85z3g

[lawbrat]

No pressure, just write when you want. I enjoy your blog so much, and I wait with baited breath for your next entry. I'm learning the art of patience, and you help me with that.

[Effie]

Nice to see ya/hear from ya! Writer's block for blogs is a pain but it happens to everyone--even Dooce, I'm sure! And, BTW--with your writing, I always find it well written with touches of well timed and well placed humour. That's why you're such a big star!
Blove, Effie

[Gerah]

I think we all go through this. Somedays I just wonder if I should give up the blogging thing, and spend my two free hours a week doing something constructive... but yet I keep coming back.

Glad you are too, my alien friend.

[mmc]

I was wondering if you were ok. I'm glad it's just blogger's cramp. I always enjoy what you have to say, and will continue to check back. Thank you.

[bill]

There is an early episode of Friends where one of the girls is trying to date an OB/GYN and I think he used the same type of analogy.
You perfrom your writing? That sounds pretty cool.

[kalki]

I love a writing man. And I think your performances are good in more than an "aw shucks" kind of way. I watched the clips on your website awhile back and they are funny. And you are a-frickin'-dorable.

[laurenbove]

You're thinking too hard. Just write.

(PS: MB sent me. You're very engaging.)

[JessicaRabbit]

See now I suppose I should be all, oh we all support you and love you and blah blah blah ottoman, blah.

Fuck that.

Dude, I take off my clothes for a living. Does that mean I come home and shower dressed? No it does not. I put them on, take them off, put them on, take them off, wiggle wiggle wiggle.

Write something, or get naked.

Yes I am a bully, yes my site is full of stuff that isnt "writing up to snuff" its also full of hoots. So, if you got the block, toss up some tits. Works for me every time. lets go!

[Spoonleg]

I know what you mean, and I certainly DO NOT write for a living.

But I love to write, I write whether there are people to read it or not, I write for myself and my thoughts and memories. I write for enjoyment and entertainment. However, sometimes I feel that maintaining a blog is somewhat of a chore. Like, I feel OBLIGATED to update, but if in my heart I know I have nothing meaningful and witty to contribute, why post at all? But I can't ignore the pressure from the readers, I feel that I've gotta come up with SOMETHING, ANYTHING. It's vicious. Back when I just wrote for ME, I'd write when the mood struck, sometimes going a year between musings just because nothing struck me as worthy to commit to paper.

God, blogging sucks away the last of my creative juices, but then I find that the interaction with others often rejuvenates it again. One word: Addict.

[Bucky Four-Eyes]

I'm glad writing is my hobby, though I'd jump at the chance to actually make my living at it.
But as it is my all-consuming hobby, I start to twitch and feel guilty if I miss more than a day posting. Even if I just put up a picture with something crude written under it, I feel the compulsion to post. Not for anybody else, really, but for me. To feel like I maintain and nurture this blogthing to which I have given birth.
If I made my living as a writer, though, I could see where the blog would be like a demanding baby I'm not even sure I wanted and I'm damn sure not positive who the father is.

Okay, now that I've been all sincere and stuff: Yeah, Nilbo. Where's the tits?

[MrsDoF]

Kalki said "the clips on your website awhile back and they are funny. And you are a-frickin'-dorable."
Clips?! Clips?! as in moving parts and voices?!
Wherein are these clips of which is written?

[Squirl]

I don't care how often you post, just please don't stop. I love reading your stuff. I wish you had a show somewhere in my area some time. I'd love to see it and meet you.

[eclectic]

Clips? Tits? What else are you holding back from us, Nilbo? We want it all! Or at least, as much of it as we can take...

[whfropera]

ok, here's what we could do when you can't/won't/hate to post ...the collected sayings of one "Nilbo", based on postings you left on other sites. I'm sure we ALL could could find some priceless gems. (evil laugh evil laugh)

Then again that might officially block you from Google, but you would be in good company, since it means you could share close quarters with BFE and Jess.

Although I think BFE is on the edge of getting banned, the big tease.

and as far as the "performance anxiety" you are having - "oh puh-leeze" I'm not buying that one.

[suburban misfit]

Support, blather, encouragement, some more drivel about support, and one atta boy! thrown in for good measure.

Ok, now that *that's* done, shut up and write, you wanker!

[Bucky Four-Eyes]

Hey, how the fuck did MY name come up in this "dirty blog" talk? You guys know I run a wholesome, family-oriented blog. Kind of like a cyber church, if you think about it.

Saint Bucky's Chastity Chat.

[whfropera]

yeah, where the vestments are assless chaps. (grins)

[Nils]

MsDoF: My website is www.nilsling.com.

The rest of you: thank you, or bless you, or screw you, whichever you feel you deserve. I love youse guys.

[Susie]

As is so often the case, JessicaRabbit nailed this one. I listen to crazy people all day. Does that mean I come home and um, take a shower with my clothes on while sitting on an ottoman? HELL NO. (OK, I had a hard time following that one through.)

I don't have a damned thing to say this week; you make a whole freakin' post about not having a damned thing to say. Yea, we're out here with our freakin' Bics flicked. See you Tuesday.

[MrsDoF]

WooHoo! Website bookmark just under Nilbo bookmark. And I know what book I'm gonna request for Christmas!
Thanks!

[Deep Purple]

I feel for ya Nilbo. I love to read your stuff but totally understand what you mean. I have not been at this for quite so long but love to write but seem to get a mental block when I get on my blog...so I solved my problem the other day by just posting something....it totally was better than closing down my blog. Check it out if ya get a chance.

[marybishop]

A blog is your friend. You don't need to fear the blog, just blab on the blog, flog the blog, hop from blog to blog like a blogger frogger.

When you write on your blog, it does not have to come up to your professional quality and can just be a written thought, conversation you had, free association or anything you choose.

There's work writing and play writing and blogging is just play writing.

Unless someone offers to pay you to blog, and if that's the case, you have to set up a new blog for play only!

LB - glad to see you stopped by to read this most talented writer!