Promise You Will Use This Only For Good ...

I guess it's not fair to say that I make the world's most awesome, most mind-bogglingly delicious garlic spread and not then share it with you.  I will do so, on two conditions:

1.  You will use this new-found power only for good.  This garlic spread is so damn delicious it can slow the Earth's rotation, cause continents to drift, cure hiccups, and cause even middle-aged men to change their behaviour.  People will offer you anything - their cars, their children, nekkid pictures of themselves, a night with their spouses, anything, for the recipe ... or, alternatively, for just a bit more of this ambrosia.  Promise on your honour you will not take undue advantage of people.  Or that you will forward any nekkid pictures on to me.

2.  Credit Where Credit Is Due.  I got this recipe from my dear Aunt Marjorie Crum, who died a couple of years ago before the Nobel Prize Committee could finish the process by which she would almost certainly have been awarded the Nobel Prize For Garlic Spreads.  And now I pass it on to you.  Since she's dead, what the hell, give me all the credit. 

OK.  So, don't be fooled by the apparent simplicity, or what appear to be utterly banal ingredients.  Remember that Jennifer Aniston is put together using the same ingredients as any other woman.  It's all in the way the various parts mix.  There are only 88 keys on a piano, yet millions of songs have flowed from those 88 keys, played in the right order.

Enough hype.  The truth is, you'll like it or you won't, and I'd love to hear from you if you do.  But please, please, please, don't write saying "Oh, and if you add some cilantro ..."  No.  It's a perfect recipe, and I won't entertain any changes.  "Oh, but if you add a dollop of .."  No.  Done.  Shut it.  The recipe, she is perfect.

Make it for supper tonight.

Nils's Killer Garlic Spread

Mix:   One cup butter or margarine
         One-half cup Mayonnaise
         One-quarter cup grated Parmesan Cheese
         Crushed fresh garlic to taste - for above, let's say 4 - 5 cloves
         One tablespoon parsley

If what amounts to two cups of garlic spread seems excessive to you, reduce the amounts in ratio. The general idea for the main ingredients is a 4 - 2 - 1 ratio.  So, go with four tablespoons of butter, two of mayo, and one of the parm, and cut back a little (but not much) on the garlic and parsley.

Having said that, I like things a little cheesy (insert your own joke here), so I tend to be a bit more generous with the parmesan.  And you can add bite by substituting grated asiago or Romano for the parm. 

But let's crawl before we walk, shall we?  Get good at this, then go getting all fancy and renaming this recipe after yourself because ohohoh look, I changed one frigging ingredient.

There.  Try it tonight.

Comments

[Laura]

I'm grilling rib eye steaks and garlic bread tonight. this couldnt be more timely. ;)

[Alan]

Try this: exchange the mayo with tahini and the butter for puree of chickpea. Triple the parsley and make it fresh and add lemon juice. I want you to live.

[Nils]

Ah, Alan ... you never were any good at following instructions.

And Laura ... I know you, of all people, will enjoy ...

[suburban misfit]

I have this very same recipe. It truly is the Garlic Spread of the Gods.

[AndreaBT]

Nils: if it is "killer" garlic spread, then it's all too easy for us to use it for evil, not good ;)

[Bucky Four-Eyes]

Thank you for giving us the recipe with no strings attached, Nilbo. I was about to offer you sex with my spouse.

[Nils]

Ah, Bucky ... you wouldn't want to do that. I'm just that damn good ...

[Susie]

THANK YOU. You are a gentleman and a scholar. (HEH. Forgot where I was there for a second!) But it would appear that you make a fine garlic spread. Kindly indulge us just a bit more: I would imagine there are many ways to use this spread. Your favorites?

[Nils]

My favourite way is on my homemade multi-grain bread ... another simple recipe, if you have a breadmaker: 1 1/2 c. water, 2 tsp sugar, 1 tsp salt, 3 1/2 c. multi-grain flour, 1 1/2 tsp yeast (all ingredients in that order in the breadpan!). Set breadmaker to "Dough/pasta" setting. When the cycle is complete, remove the dough, plop it on a lightly floured counter, punch it down to remove air pockets, roll it out, then roll the flattened dough into a tube/loaf shape, tucking in the ends and pinching the seams. Lay on a lightly greased cookie tin, baste with vegetable oil, cover with plastic wrap, then a towel, and let rise for an hour or two. Then pop it into an oven for about 20 - 25 minutes at 350 degrees. Perfect loaf of flavourful, healthy bread every time, if you follow these instructions to the letter and don't say "Oh, probably this kind of flour is just as good as multi-grain ..." No guarantees the recipe will translate, is all I'm saying.

No breadmaker, or no energy/time/whatever? It's a great spread on Calabrese bread, storebought Italian, whatever.

[Effie]

Oh YUMMM! I think I'll have to go out and buy some parmesan cheese just so I can make this...maybe not tonight, but soon! And then I have to buy a breadmaker to make that yummy bread recipe you gave us...and to think this recipe is for free...wonderful!

[Susie]

Thank you, again. My husband will love you for the bread.

[kalki]

I agree to the conditions. Thanks - I sure do love garlic.

[Tanya]

Sounds like my dad's spread, only there are other spices involved.

[Jean]

I am extremely behind in checking this blog and was pleased to see that Nils is sharing his garlic spread recipe.
Every word he wrote regarding the deliciousness of his spread is the gospel truth.
One night he attended a dinner party at our house and brought his multi grain bread and garlic spread. Together, or I expect separate as well, they are orgasmic. All other food that was served at dinner took a back seat to his "gift from his kitchen." And even more...the bread arrived still warm from the oven.