Twitter Updates

    follow me on Twitter

    For Susie

    • Give a Rat's Ass
    My Photo



      This is a Flickr badge showing public photos from Nilbo. Make your own badge here.

    « Bearing Witness | Main | On The Road Again »

    April 23, 2004




    I yam your frent, - plese leeve the 20 dolar bills in the recyklin bin for verification.,
    Lagos branch

    Nils Ling

    Done and done. Send my 30% to Zyglundy.

    Nils Ling

    And doesn't this arrive seconds later. Al, I'm gonna need you to help me fight through the dense legal-ese ...

    sir/ MAR,
    First, I must solicit your confidence in this
    transaction; this is by virtue of its nature as being utterly confidential and top secret. Though I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make any one apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the day.

    We have decided to contact you due to the urgency of this transaction, as we have been reliably informed of your discreetness and ability in transaction of this nature by your country man who works in our embassy. [Wow - my reputation overseas is WAY better than it is in Canada]

    Let me start by introducing myself properly to you. I am MR HENRY DAVE THE MANAGER OF FIRST BANK OF NIG PLC, Lagos. I came to know you in my
    Private Search for a Reliable and Reputable Person to handle this Confidential Transaction, which involves the transfer of Huge Sum of Money to a Foreign Account with Maximum Confidence. [Maximum Confidence is my middle name]

    A Foreigner, an American, Late GILBERT SPENCER (Snr.) an Oil Merchant with The Federal Government of Nigeria, until his death months ago in auto clash [the reknowned Fighting Autos of Nigeria - much more dangerous than the Japanese and their wussy lil kites] Banked with us , and had a closing balance as at the end of September, 2003 worth US$950.000.00 (nine hundred and fifty thousand Dollars) [or eight trillion Canadian], the bank now expects a next of kin as beneficiary [damn sticklers, those Nigerians]. And I was contacted to do so.

    Valuable efforts were made by FIRST BANK OF NIG Plc to get in touch with any of the SPENCER'S Family or Relatives but to no success.

    It is because of the perceived possibility of not being able to locate any of Late Engr. GILBERT SPENCER (Snr.)?s next of kin (He had no wife or children that is known to us) [the "Snr." part notwithstanding]. The Management under the influence of our Chairman and Members of the Board of Directors, made an arrangment for the fund to be declared Unclaimed and subsequently be donated to the trust fund for arms and ammunition to further enhance the
    course of War in Africa and the World in General. [They have telethons and everything for this]

    In order to avert this negative development, some of my trusted colleagues and I now seek your permission to have you stand as next of kin to Late Engr.GILBERT SPENCER (Snr.) so that the fund US$65 Million [ man, interest rates are high on Nigerian svaings accounts] will be
    released and paid into your Account as the
    beneficiary?s next of kin. All documents and proves to enable you get this fund will be carefully worked out. We have secure from the probate an order of madamus to locate any of deceased beneficiaries, and more so we are assuring you that this business is 100%
    Risk Free involvement. [SOLD!]

    Your share stays while the rest be for myself and my vcolleagues for investment purpose. According to agreement within both parties.
    As soon as we receive an acknowledgment or receipt of this message in acceptance of our mutual business proposal, we would furnish you with the necessary modalities and disbursement ratio to suite both parties without any conflict.

    If this proposal is acceptable by you, do not make undue advantage of the trust we have bestowed in you. {no fear - my reliability is internationally known]

    Best Regards.

    (and cc: a few hundred other names. Meaning I better act fast or I'll lose out)

    So .. legit? Or .. not? He seems sincere ...


    The unconventional use of capitalization is key as only honest third world leaders. Also, the use of "necessary modalities and a disbursement ratio to suite both parties without any conflict" indicates a true businessperson is behind this. Use Mike Currie's name in the reply, however, as this will lend more credence to your side of this transaction.




    Benny Zenner

    i just received a similar letter today from Dr. Fred Oldilie (Oh, do I lie?), it explained the breakdown - 70% to to him and his colleagues (why? if I am the beneficiary I would get it all); 20% to me; 10% set aside for expenses. Won't that come out of their 70%. The email came from and was sent to the same email address; my address was blocked out) and I was to respond to (Dr. Fred is bankrupt?)

    I had a great laugh about this one.


    The comments to this entry are closed.