Truths and Half Truths

The Thud of the Cannons

OK, here's a question, and maybe the answer is so stupidly obvious that it's eluding me:

You know when you're watching a Civil War movie, and the Confederate Army is marching up the hill to do battle with the Union soldiers? And the troops at the top of the hill load up the cannons, and wait, and wait .. until finally the order comes: "Fire!" and **BOOM!** go the cannons.

Now cut to the soldiers marching up the hill. Incoming cannon rounds land all around them with huge booms and explosions and men are tossed head over heel and wagons explode into flame and flip over and horses get thrown on their sides by the force of the blasts ...

So here's my question: I'm pretty sure that back then, munitions hadn't developed to the point where shells - cannon or otherwise - exploded. You had cannonballs ... and you had what was called "grape" - which is what it sounds like, a whole bunch of grape-sized pieces of lead fired all at once from the cannon.

So ... what's causing all the explosions? When a cannonball (which is just a huge chunk of lead) lands beside you, does it go BOOM and throw you from your horse? Or does it go .. you know ... *THUD* ? Which might make your horse a tad skittish, but not enough to do a flip about.

I know Hollywood likes to dress things up a bit, but with all the great movies about the Civil War, wouldn't one of them - just one - have a battle scene with realistic effects? I mean, men were dying in those battles at the rate of tens of thousands per hour - it's not like it has to be jazzed up to make it more dramatic. At least, I wouldn't think so.

Am I wrong? Were there exploding cannonballs? Or is this just another of Hollywood's longest-running shell games?

Body Bags for Stock Market Points

Carl Hiassen is one of my favourite authors - his hilarious books are all set in Florida and each one features an odd, quirky, comical set of characters and cleverly interwoven plots. At least one lame movie has come out of his work - "Striptease", with Demi Moore - but you can hardly hold Hiassen responsible because Hollywood just doesn't seem to get it. Pick up "Stormy Weather" (set in Florida in the aftermath of Hurricane Andrew, among the plotlines is a series of incidents arising from the fact an "exotic animal compound" gets levelled and the animals escape. "Why did Fifi stop that incessant yapping outside, Harold? Go have a look ...") or "Native Tongue". You'll soon become addicted to Hiassen's outrageous sense of humour. Who else has one of his villains dispatched by having the poor fellow accidentally fall into a tank with an amorous (and somewhat near-sighted) dolphin?

But Hiassen is also a wonderfully lucid and stylish newspaper columnist with the Miami Herald, and in this column he connects some pretty ugly dots. It gives credence to what a lot of us suspected all along - that the Bush Administration has been more than willing to trade brave young soldiers' lives in exchange for a little extra profit for its pals.

Some of my American friends get uncomfortable around this kind of discussion - as if there is an implied criticism of the soldiers who died, as if it somehow makes their deaths less noble. It doesn't, to me. I'm a military brat, and I know there is nothing so noble as serving your country in a cause you believe to be just. When your leaders betray you, it is their nobility that is called into question.

Unfortunate Kitty: 477, Pepe: 1

I was working in my office the other night and heard a series of odd scraping, scrabbling, thumping and squealing noises coming through the door to the adjacent wood shed. Then, that unmistakable low, sonorous, French-accented voice: "Ah, cherie ... for what do you reseest me? Come wiz me to ze Cazbahhh ... come closer ... no, closer yet ... and ... GOTCHA, BITCH!"