1. When they told Chris Rock that this telecast was going to be seen by millions, did he say "Shit ... I'm going to have to REALLY YELL TO BE HEARD! Oh, I just wish those people who won the technical awards presented by the arm-wavy girl who is so white she's nearly transparent would invent a device to amplify my voice!"
2. Renee, darlin' ... eat something. Anything. You cannot live forever on a diet of cotton balls soaked in consomme. And the hair? Too black. It makes you look almost as white as Scarlett, and seriously? Not a good look. Nice dress, though.
3. Morgan Freeman was way overdue, and does anyone exude more class?
4. Drew Barrymore is NOT "multi-talented". She barely gets to "single-talented". Ditto Adam Sandler, whose desperately un-funny duet with Chris Rock was the lowlight of the evening.
5. Annette Bening has about the sexiest, most pleasant smile on the planet.
6. Jamie Foxx had the best acceptance speech of the night. It brought tears to my eyes.
7. My daughter, when Samuel L. Jackson appeared: "God, if he were any more cool he'd be Jack Nicholson."
8. Hillary Swank was gorgeous in a dress that was both modest and incredibly sexy. I love when women (or their designers, I suppose) know just what to accentuate.
9. On a related note: Gwyneth, darlin' ... shooting has finished on "Shakespeare in Love". It is no longer necessary to wrap your breasts.
10. If Jack Nicholson were any more cool, he'd be Clint Eastwood.