WOW! I don't know if this will work, but it's worth a try: How about not flooding the e-mail inbox of every single acquaintance you have with amazing offers that would make even the most gullible fan of professional wrestling say "Are you kidding me? Someone believed that?"
No, really. My cousin, Earl Mudpucker, is a lawyer, and he says that if you try this - something so simple as NOT clicking "forward" - then you stand a better than even chance that your friends will actually NOT block future e-mails from you!
Tonight, once again, some person I know forwarded me that moronic e-mail from "A real attorney" who says that Microsoft is testing a beta e-mail program and will give you $245 for every e-mail you forward. Or something like that. I mean, my eyes glazed over with the words "Bill Gates will give you ..."
Bill Gates is not giving you, me, or anybody any money. Seriously. Think about it. He is the richest man ever in the history of the world. Can you even imagine being in the boardroom at Microsoft, and they're about to wind up the meeting, and Bill Gates says "Anybody have anything else they want to talk about?" And you proudly stick your hand up and say "I have a wacky idea, but it just might work. Let's give BILLIONS of dollars away!"
"What, give billions of dollars away ... to just .. anybody?" says Bill, clearly baffled.
"No!" you shout, triumphantly. "That's the beauty of my plan. We'll only give billions of dollars away to people who FORWARD E-MAILS!"
"BRILLIANT!" shouts Bill Gates, as he secretly reaches under the desk and pushes the button that summons Security. "We'll get right on that!"
Jaysus, people. There are several hundred million people on the goddamn internet. As rich as he is, Bill Gates can't even afford to take them all out to the movies on cheap night, let alone give each of them thousands of dollars. And that's WITHOUT popcorn. Even if it IS a "write-off".
While we're at it, that kid in England or Ireland or Australia who is dying and wants to be in the Guinness Book of Records for receiving the most e-mails? He's dead. Yep, he croaked last year. Sad, really. He was making a recovery, but then someone came in with sacks and sacks of e-mails and dumped them on his bed and the life was crushed from his body. And now he resides in that special corner of hell reserved for people who forward idiot hoax e-mails to all their friends.
No, the teddy bear virus is not going to eat your computer. No, Bill Gates is not going to give you money. If it's on the internet and it sounds to good to be true, here's a little rule of thumb: "IT FRIGGING IS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!!!"
OK, that's my little rant for the night. Please, go back to waiting for your cheque from Bill Gates. Hold your breath. Get someone to put duct tape over your mouth and nose. It will save poor lil Bill several thousands of dollars. And the gene pool will be that much less muddy.